The Art of Being Mistress (It's not dirty, I swear!)

Squeakers and I used to look at Mistress and think: "How can a woman DO all that stuff? Why doesn't she just sleep and eat like we do?" Well, then we wouldn't have our .. .I mean it's MY entertainment now.
She recently lost her thing called "job" I don't know what that means, but now she's home almost constantly! It was fun for awhile, but now it's annoying! Just like last year when she was sick, but much longer! It was funner to watch her run around like her butt was on fire, but now she only does that once in awhile.

Before:
8:00: Get up and turn on TV
8:30 Stand under water. Squeakers was so interested in this, I still don't get it. Squeakers used to watch her. I mean, why do they need to stand under water if they're just gonna dry themselves off later?
9:00 Eat something, but do the kitties eat? Nooooo!! We only eat at night
9:15: Run around saying "Oooh! I'm running late! Oooh I need to do this and this and this and this yet! Ooh! Squeakers get out of my way!"
9:25 Runs around like Energizer bunny, puts coat on, pets us and leaves
9:30-5:15: No entertainment. . .sleep and nap and fight time for the kitties
Anytime after 5: Two legger comes home, drops bag and says "Oh what a day! I'm tired .. .Sandy, I need to talk" Then she proceeds to talk to me for awhile, until it turns into whining, then she asks "Sandy, am I whining?" Duh.
5:30: Sometimes she yaks on the phone to her mom or her friend Jennifer. Sometimes, if she felt ambitious, she'd grab her gym bag and rush out the door with out so much as a by your leave, and she wouldn't come home until our dinnertime! Luckily, she's not that ambitious, only in the summer and spring.
7:30 or 8:00: If she's not ambitious, she gets off the computer and makes herself something to eat, but did we get anything? Nooooo! Unless Squeakers could get up on the table and snitch a piece of chicken. .. boy do I miss that cat!
8:30 on Wednesdays only: the Purr Meeting on a Catster group called the Social Cats, purring for sick/lost kitties and the families of sick/lost/Bridge kitties.
9:30: Hallelujah!! We Eat!! by this time I'm dying of starvation. Sunday nights Squeakers gets Stinky Goodness, but, forgive me Max, I won't eat the stuff
10:00 Friday Nights: Pizza and Poetry night on the Catster forums!
10:00-12:30 or 1: TV, play and rest times, sometimes the Mistress stays up really late, but on Friday, that's cool, cuz we like Catster P&P!
Saturday Mornings: Mistress sleeps sooooooo late, I guess P&P wore her out!
11:00: The Mistress rises from her royal stupor
11:15: Turns on TV and puts in a DVD
11:16-Whenever: Watches DVDs, talks on phone, eats, naps, basicaly being a cat
7:00: she eats
9:30 We eats
1:00 bed
Sunday:
8-11:00: If she feels like it, she listens to John Tesh's Intelligence for Your Life radio show
11:15: Talks on phone, I swear, her jaw should be wired shut!
1:00: If she feels like it, she pushes that growl monster around, scaring Squeakers, barely scaring me under the bed
6:00: Laundry sorting time
7:00 Extreme Home Makeover, she watches it, she doesn't do it!
7:30-8:00: Laundry
9:45 Laundry's done, she scurries to get it before they close and lock the doors to the laundry room, who "they" are, I have no idea.
10:00: Yaks on the phone SOME MORE!
10:01: Squeakers tries to help her make the bed or tries to snuggle in unfolded laundry.
11-12:00: Bed

That was then, this is now, when she is home constantly, almost, and Squeakers is gone:
8:00: She gets up if she feels like it
8:02: Bewitched (WGN America) OR Step By Step (ABC Family) OR Golden Girls ( Lifetiem, so many choices!)
8:30: Golden Girls
9:00 Little House on the Prairie (Hallmark) or computer job search, answering emails, yakking on phone, whatever
10:00 Little House on the Prairie, only if it's good, if not, Good Times (TVLand)
11:00 I Love Lucy
11:30: I Love Lucy (TVLand)
12:00: Extreme Home Makeover (possibly, she likes to stare at Ty Pennington's mole) or grocery shopping, or water-standing
1:00: Cheers
1:30: Job search, phone
2:00: Little House on the Prairie (if it's good, if not, continued job search, phone, cleaning)
3:00: See above
4-5: Leave it to Beaver
5-7: Phone, dinner preparation
8:00 Dinner with Bill Cosby
The third verse, same as the first

At least I don't get confused as to where she is, but I am confused now, cuz now she says she might not leave today, her Mom is running around like a nut trying to get ready and get her fridge fixed
Then sometimes that friend of hers, Jennifer comes up with her BIG huge dog. I retreat to under the bed! She might come up tonight with her Mistress to help MY mistress with some electronical thing *rolls eyes*