No Cameras, Please!

This is just awful! What does my human think she's doing with this cat? I mean, I am her cat, not this one!
Oh well, she said she was at her Gram's house last weekend and this cat, who actually is quite purrty, sat on her lap and purred and fell asleep.
Well, okay, but look, my human looks like she's enjoying it! When she got home I had quite a job, to get that cat's scent off my human!
Oh well, I wasn't too mad at my Mistress, after all, she's only human. Getting the scent off her was just all in a day's work for me anyway, look what I'll have to face when she actually becomes a vet assistant! Today she gave me those treats that I used to dislike, called Fit Nip. I hear tell that they actually have catnip in them! When I heard that, I decided to give them a try. They are too big for my little mouth, so Mistress had to break them up for me, but by the third treat, I could've eaten them whole!
They are so good, now I know what I was missing, and the treats, well, one of these days we're going to run out!
Oh no!
I have Feline Greenies too, and I like them, but these Fit Nip treats are great and they really make me wanna play! Mistress gave them to me when we were still listening to John Tesh's radio show. If John Tesh gave Mistress the idea to give me a treat. .. Thank you Johnny! After the show we went into the living room and I found my little green "thing"! I thought I'd never find him again! He'd been missing for at least two weeks! He's a tail-less blob that used to be a mouse but I think I bit off his feather tail, and then he went MIA! So I started batting him around and racing around trying to catch him.
Then Jennifer and Lyndi came, and I went MIA!
After they left, I slept for awhile, but came back out and played some more Mouse Hockey. I was doing really well too, then Mistress got her camera out and wanted to take movies of me playing!
I put up with it for about 20 seconds, then I pulled a Squeakers. .. I looked up at her, looked at the toy and looked up at her again like "What am I supposed to do with this?"
She got tired of holding the camera, so she turned it off and went back to her computer or TV or whatever.
The hockey game was resumed! I bat at the mouse and tried to catch it and she grabbed the camera again.
I stopped and just stared at her again.
This went on for about 15 minutes: Camera on, wait in silence while we stare each other down, camera off, mouse hockey game on, second verse same as the first!
Finally I gave up and walked around and she tried to get me to play fetch. .. do I look like a dog? Then she tried to get me to play with some other toy, in front of the camera.
Ha! It ain't gonna work, sistah!
She got tired of it first, then I stared her down while she was on the computer and when I tired of that I went to my "chambers" to take a nap.
I will not perform on camera! If you want me, call my agent!